i must be asleep

any time now

I'm going to

wake up &

tell everyone

I dreamt that

my cat just

gave birth to

George Jetson

dissonance

if the sky were gray

this wouldn't all feel 

so wrong

but aching here in

the sunshine

lends an unbearable

dimension to emptiness

& lines it with guilt

tired: a song without music

I'm learning slowly

the cruel lies of time

losing intention & 

ignoring the signs

keeping hands up 

over my eyes

it's impressive 

how much pain my

ignorance buys

I write my maps of 

unresolved dreams

handmade grief & 

shifting extremes

keep turning this wheel 

of hope & ennui

until I'm so dulled

I don't care 

what I believe

adrift in the sea or

running aground

it's my own siren song

that lures me to drown

my heart pulls me in &

fear holds me down

I know how to swim but 

I'm so tired &

lost in the sound

push

time's not forgiving

put down the crystal ball &

roll the fucking dice

coffee

old friend, you may be

tearing my stomach up, but

I just can't quit you

peace

to tread bare faced, raw

through a world of masked liars

is true bravery

I never could get the hang of Thursdays

I awoke to Shadowy Men

on a Shadowy Planet, guitars &

nostalgia signaling me from my

phone, dragging me out of a 

basement nightmare where all my

comics & vinyl were filled with

bugs (also, eggs of bugs)

devastating

~but before that~

there were donkeys on the

deck, an entire family of them just

pissing and jumping everywhere

(their elders spoke English but 

said nothing of consequence)

these eventually morphed into 

my friends, who were holding 

drinks & ignoring me

go ahead &

analyze that

yeah, I'm glad I'm out,

into this blur of a world & 

Kids in the Hall isn't a 

terrible way to wake

~but~

the cat is screaming 

at my door & 

I'm out of cream for my

coffee & 

there's this desert 

in my mouth from the

4am boozy boys

ahhh already

fuck you, Thursday. 

Vivian

all these interviews 

show that she was alone

among the children, 

quietly mad & cruel

had the world been such a

sacrifice if her brilliance 

shown so clearly in

black & white, photos of

lives unseen

is it better to burn 

brightly & dangerous, 

engulfed

or 

to coast happily

ignorant of the

dark alleys, 

spreading one's

mediocrity evenly 

over just the

surface

connecting & loving,

being loved without

sharp corners, collections, 

fixed points of anger

pleading at the end

just to be seen

rope bridge

quote from a dream world: 

"safety isn't always comfort, 

but sometimes danger.

excitement isn't necessarily 

danger, but sometimes safety."

full circle. I guess. 

that doesn't 

make sense,

but I just woke up.

I had another bridge dream

where I stalled on my side

of a long rope bridge over a

canyon of certain death.

this isn't my worst fear

but it's definitely

one of them.

it replaced the bridge to Hatteras

(which seemed taller than necessary,

but I suppose that was my perception).

Hatteras wasn't on the other side &

that doesn't make sense, either. 

anyhow,

to be where I needed,

I had to cross.

I'm a little disgusted by this

obvious metaphor.