tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36334779339611433912024-03-12T23:20:16.652-04:00Poetry by a Girl Named RoyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger315125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-40417439805482831602023-03-27T13:50:00.001-04:002023-03-27T13:50:18.202-04:00last glimpse<div>the same tired veteran</div><div>passes, head down</div><div>bucket hat eternal</div><div>between his thoughts</div><div>& the suburban sun</div><div><br></div><div>the annual invasion of</div><div>wood borer bees, & me</div><div>gently redirecting their ire</div><div>at my deck sitting presence</div><div>with a brave hand</div><div><br></div><div>the hum of five different</div><div>mowers, a struggle to have</div><div>conforming lawns, grasses</div><div>of matching heights, edges</div><div>clean, flowerbeds decluttered</div><div><br></div><div>this is what I imagined of life</div><div>an unending drone, basking in</div><div>monotony, alone inside while</div><div>joggers passed & waved to the</div><div>appearances of peace</div><div><br></div><div>this is my last week here in this</div><div>happy neighborhood with its happy</div><div>joggers and happy lawn care &</div><div>(maybe not so happy) bees all</div><div>baking in the glow of safety</div><div><br></div><div>and I couldn't be happier</div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-16696725968586221842023-03-03T21:45:00.001-05:002023-03-03T21:45:35.997-05:00no space<div>there are walls here</div><div>in between the walls,</div><div>surfaces of silence </div><div>deflecting silence</div><div><br></div><div>tangled wire has no</div><div>room to unravel so it</div><div>spools larger & presses</div><div>us down into furniture</div><div><br></div><div>it's all a mess & we </div><div>pick up our feet wordlessly</div><div>without so much as </div><div>existing</div><div><br></div><div>dance close to all these</div><div>edges to escape the telling,</div><div>that this civility has become </div><div>exhausting</div><div><br></div><div>I have every right &</div><div>none at all to feel</div><div>any of this</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-13894201606836860622023-02-07T21:33:00.001-05:002023-02-07T21:43:41.432-05:00firsts<div>my first hard liquor coincided </div><div>with my first train trip, though</div><div>it all happened during the night,</div><div>as good adventures tend to do </div><div><br></div><div>the windows of an empty</div><div>observation car mirrored only us,</div><div>me: scribbling in a backpocket journal,</div><div>her: drawing my anime portait </div><div><br></div><div>a full year countdown to my</div><div>unexpected motherhood, but</div><div>what I seem to recall most vividly</div><div>were my sweet jeans with the </div><div>reinforced knees</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-27752380599512969212023-02-07T21:32:00.001-05:002023-02-07T21:32:22.973-05:00happy hour<div>"nothing matters,"</div><div>~feels nicer than~</div><div>"everything matters</div><div>& I've fucked it all up."</div><div><br></div><div>I lie there listening,</div><div>realizing I've mistaken</div><div>crumbs for banquets</div><div>all my life, swapping the </div><div>causes & effects</div><div><br></div><div>nothing matters</div><div>is the the best </div><div>scenario</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-22722354522819478502023-02-07T12:48:00.001-05:002023-02-07T12:48:35.216-05:00new every day<div>each morning</div><div>I piece together this</div><div>collage of a human</div><div><br></div><div>pasting myself together</div><div>with songs, poems, films,</div><div>favorite food, drink,</div><div>interpretive dance</div><div><br></div><div>different highs</div><div><br></div><div>today, it's Yann's </div><div>accordion, violin &</div><div>staccato toy pianos</div><div>as edge pieces with</div><div>bloody mary filler </div><div><br></div><div>but tomorrow</div><div><br></div><div>tomorrow I may wake</div><div>into new skin &</div><div>Sam's Good Times</div><div>may be what soothes</div><div>my soul & if I'm pain free</div><div>I'll have a Cherry Coke</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-25243554840834550692023-01-08T22:49:00.001-05:002023-01-09T00:09:32.212-05:00pieces<div>my favorite part</div><div>of these stories</div><div>are the afterwords</div><div><br></div><div>mapping a smooth</div><div>landscape with</div><div>fingertips</div><div><br></div><div>archiving his</div><div>terrain for future </div><div>distraction </div><div><br></div><div>pulling fabric over </div><div>my ridges, valleys,</div><div>fault lines of age</div><div><br></div><div>I shatter often,</div><div>mend between </div><div>deaths</div><div><br></div><div>& fill in the cracks</div><div>left behind</div><div>with gold</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-52486891205318229752022-12-28T02:20:00.001-05:002022-12-28T02:20:48.013-05:00say it<div>dishonest </div><div>stranger</div><div><br></div><div>each response</div><div>my hesitancy</div><div>toes icy</div><div>water</div><div><br></div><div>a lie coerced</div><div>grabs hold of</div><div>teeth & tongue</div><div>to avoid its</div><div>birth</div><div><br></div><div>so</div><div>why don't you</div><div>ask for a</div><div>truth</div><div><br></div><div>& he does</div><div><br></div><div>in continuous</div><div>breath, what is</div><div>held sacred,</div><div>concealed</div><div><br></div><div>answers this</div><div>call & </div><div>response,</div><div>a repeated</div><div>verse</div><div><br></div><div>grateful to</div><div>be found, </div><div>if not</div><div>recognized</div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-87037246892391482302022-12-23T23:54:00.001-05:002022-12-23T23:54:42.664-05:00glint<div>art is simply the</div><div>attempt to explain</div><div>truth in the context </div><div>of a lie</div><div><br></div><div>a beautiful form of</div><div>self-preservation where</div><div>one can create a </div><div>replica</div><div><br></div><div>completely traceable </div><div>but ultimately </div><div>deniable</div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-47146314955307698612022-12-16T21:58:00.001-05:002022-12-23T23:58:24.737-05:00men<div>insanity that </div><div>assumes,</div><div>infuriates yet </div><div>consumes</div><div>is easily named</div><div>men</div><div><br></div><div>the impulse to<br></div><div>jump to my death </div><div>when standing at </div><div>the edge of</div><div>great heights</div><div><br></div><div>the fear I might,</div><div>for no reason,</div><div>drive my car off</div><div>a bridge on a</div><div>dark whim</div><div><br></div><div>is still less absurd</div><div>than this urge to </div><div>fall & shatter</div><div>continuously on a </div><div>loop for their</div><div>amusement</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-63084101729749929382022-12-11T01:15:00.000-05:002022-12-23T23:57:41.156-05:0012/10<div>such a simple</div><div>difference,</div><div>the memory of</div><div>lamplight </div><div>brushing skin </div><div><br></div><div>attaches an</div><div>extra layer to </div><div>a film of which</div><div>I'd already been </div><div>spellbound </div><div><br></div><div>it's unfair</div><div>being a woman</div><div>in this</div><div><br></div><div>incapable </div><div>(no)</div><div>unwilling to </div><div>separate mind</div><div>from body</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-6473601853221961452022-12-02T05:41:00.001-05:002022-12-02T05:44:29.405-05:00no beers, but tears for fears<div>In lieu of </div><div>drinking</div><div><br></div><div>[it is after</div><div>midnight &</div><div><br></div><div>I have </div><div>nothing &</div><div><br></div><div>(also)</div><div><br></div><div>I am waiting </div><div>to be certain</div><div><br></div><div>that the world</div><div>isn't ending]</div><div><br></div><div>I made a</div><div>decision</div><div><br></div><div>at some </div><div>point </div><div><br></div><div>to just </div><div>go ahead</div><div><br></div><div>allow the</div><div>flood</div><div><br></div><div>because </div><div>dammit</div><div><br></div><div>I'll drown </div><div>in anything</div><div><br></div><div>& if I can't </div><div>tap out</div><div><br></div><div>I may as well</div><div>go all in. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-90152365574153692442022-11-27T21:53:00.001-05:002022-11-27T21:53:17.998-05:00indigestion<div>my poor bed is </div><div>holding up so much </div><div>weight tonight.</div><div><br></div><div>those swallowed </div><div>maybes</div><div>slid down smooth, </div><div>yet,</div><div><br></div><div>given an hour </div><div>on my back,</div><div><br></div><div>sank hard to form</div><div>heavy nevers & </div><div>there's no antacid to </div><div>cure the heart burns.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm certain now that </div><div>I've digested every</div><div>salty subconscious </div><div>thought</div><div><br></div><div>devoured every bit of </div><div>alcohol left in</div><div>this house</div><div>to fill the rest</div><div><br></div><div>but </div><div><br></div><div>I still save room</div><div>for a scream</div><div>because</div><div><br></div><div>there's always</div><div>room for you, </div><div>sweets. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-30542394326808457192022-11-08T05:59:00.000-05:002022-11-08T05:59:23.153-05:00life right now<div><div>I just apologized</div><div>for simply existing</div><div>& this was actually</div><div>accepted.</div><div><br></div><div>Dude, I was being</div><div>dramatic, </div><div>you're not supposed to </div><div>just roll with it.</div><div><br></div><div>*</div><div><br></div><div>Twelve minutes until</div><div>my shift starts, </div><div>I am staring at the </div><div>front entrance</div><div>from my parked car.</div><div><br></div><div>I really feel how</div><div>easy it would be to just</div><div>quit at everything.</div><div><br></div><div>*</div></div><div><br></div><div>I just choked on the </div><div>water that I drank to </div><div>keep myself from </div><div>choking.</div><div><br></div><div>This is what </div><div>happens when </div><div>I try to help </div><div>myself.</div><div><br></div><div>*</div><div><br></div><div>I am watching the moon</div><div>fall into a red shadow</div><div>in a clear night. This must</div><div>hold some magic,</div><div><br></div><div>so I wished on the</div><div>eclipsing moon, two</div><div>shooting stars, &</div><div>apparently </div><div>an airplane.</div><div><br></div><div>I believe in nothing</div><div>& everything</div><div>tonight. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-16318866388010656392022-10-29T14:18:00.001-04:002023-03-06T17:07:31.499-05:00torch<div>it's had time to burn<br></div><div>to flicker, aching</div><div>while bound & breaking</div><div>buried under silence</div><div><br></div><div>thriving on meager</div><div>crumbs of memory</div><div>surviving, though</div><div>hope misplaced</div><div><br></div><div>a smoldering glow</div><div>behind hidden tears</div><div>still holding space</div><div>through passing years</div><div><br></div><div>this flame ignited</div><div>folded in his arms &</div><div>keeps me warm in hopes</div><div>I find my way back</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-31764057160014235102022-10-26T13:18:00.001-04:002022-10-26T13:31:01.058-04:00substitute synonym<div>I believe we appear </div><div>jointly attractive</div><div>I thought your sneakers</div><div>were not vegan friendly</div><div><br></div><div>he's an ersatz man</div><div>implied height from his</div><div>platform shoes </div><div>easy appearances </div><div>are all convoluted</div><div>seems in his salad days </div><div>but really quite wilted</div><div><br></div><div>he entered the world</div><div>with a disposable spork</div><div>in his face hole</div><div><br></div><div>(this is what happens when I can't sleep at 4am and get the great idea to rewrite song lyrics to say the exact same thing, only stupider...all because the word "ersatz" had been mysteriously clanging around in my head)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-42384724120555792792022-10-22T23:16:00.001-04:002022-10-23T00:01:30.482-04:00getting through<div>Breathe. </div><div>Drink water.</div><div>Stretch & move</div><div>(okay, stop moving</div><div>that hurt).</div><div><br></div><div>Rest.</div><div>Ice.</div><div>Compress.</div><div>Elevate.</div><div><br></div><div><div>Take a shower</div><div>Scrub, shave, condition.</div><div>Moisturize!</div><div>Deodorize!</div><div>Perfume &</div><div>apply war paint. </div></div><div><br></div><div>Don't drink, </div><div>don't smoke</div><div>(what do you do?)</div><div>Subtle withdrawal</div><div>symptoms follow,</div><div>(must drink</div><div>endless coffee).</div><div><br></div><div>Journal & reflect.</div><div>Dream & set goals.</div><div>Prioritize!</div><div>Visualize!</div><div>Check internal dialogue </div><div>(it says</div><div>this is all</div><div>pointless).</div><div><br></div><div><div>Nam Myoho </div><div>Renge Kyo, </div><div>on a loop,</div><div>under breath</div><div>(so no one knows</div><div>you've been dabbling).</div><div><br></div></div><div>Guided meditation. </div><div>Binaural delta waves.</div><div>Sleep hypnosis. </div><div>Subliminal reprogramming.</div><div><i>Lofi hip hop?</i></div><div><i>Sleep!</i></div><div>Just fucking <i>SLEEP!</i> </div><div><br></div><div>(sigh)</div><div><br></div><div>Trying is</div><div>exhausting.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-9286510776839979872022-10-17T21:51:00.001-04:002022-10-17T21:51:32.848-04:00here goes<div>started meds</div><div>today</div><div><br></div><div>hoping</div><div>they allow me</div><div>to experience</div><div><br></div><div>(oh)</div><div><br></div><div>any </div><div>fucking </div><div>thing</div><div><br></div><div>without this </div><div>impulse</div><div>to vomit </div><div>from my eyes</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-48996836447519036912022-10-11T23:33:00.001-04:002022-10-11T23:33:37.062-04:00first thing<div>untangled</div><div>spit from sleep to </div><div>blaring lightness</div><div>a blinding scream</div><div><br></div><div>unfolding</div><div>placing dreams</div><div>still rebellious </div><div>back into cages</div><div><br></div><div>unwary</div><div>holding no caution</div><div>under my skin to the</div><div>notes of his song</div><div><br></div><div>unguarded</div><div>from dangle & pull,</div><div>I yawn echoes into the</div><div>safety of a morning</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-74669352787394930302022-09-11T11:41:00.001-04:002022-09-11T19:05:57.069-04:00diffusing a bomb<div>as I'm slamming doors &</div><div>cursing existence, I </div><div>~grudgingly~</div><div>replay this thought of a </div><div>wiser, calmer self, </div><div>sighing in the back</div><div><br></div><div>"expectations are only</div><div>resentments </div><div>waiting to happen."</div><div><br></div><div>(delivered in a </div><div>condescending</div><div>sing-song)</div><div><br></div><div>I have no idea how or when</div><div>that sentiment burrowed in,</div><div>which inspirational garbage heap</div><div>this quote was salvaged from, yet </div><div>here it is, regardless.</div><div><br></div><div>ahhh...</div><div><br></div><div>I'm still throwing things</div><div>but breathing, </div><div>allowing the uncaring </div><div>current of events to</div><div>carry me screaming </div><div>toward certain failure</div><div><br></div><div>thank you,</div><div>Wiser Jenny,</div><div>you're so right!</div><div><br></div><div>just kick back, let go</div><div>of what you can't change</div><div>& allow the whims of</div><div>assholes to dictate the </div><div>course of your life</div><div><br></div><div>just breathe...</div><div><br></div><div>relax...</div><div><br></div><div>(don't hurt anyone)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-83731225809739139282022-09-06T14:46:00.001-04:002022-09-06T14:46:19.772-04:00First Reformed<div>Ethan pours himself a death</div><div>& wraps himself in wire,</div><div>suffering to deflect his</div><div>desire (I think, there's really </div><div>no difference)</div><div>but in the end, as in life,</div><div>love reigns over god</div><div><br></div><div>alright, but</div><div>I'll watch anything</div><div>starring Ethan Hawke.</div><div><br></div><div>it's taken me four nights</div><div>to get through this movie,</div><div>I pour out my death &</div><div>go to bed.</div><div><br></div><div>First Reformed</div><div>⭐⭐⭐½</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-24504121384098368942022-09-03T22:42:00.001-04:002022-09-04T10:40:33.508-04:00dreaming small<div>if I disappear just a bit</div><div>into a ready-made story</div><div>(not that I could, but if)</div><div><br></div><div>erase enough of me that </div><div>they quit digging on</div><div>exposed nerves &</div><div>I could not be found</div><div><br></div><div>well, then</div><div>life would be grand</div><div><br></div><div>I'd drink my coffee</div><div>after dinner, curl into </div><div>the night alone to</div><div>read & sleep without</div><div>dreaming big</div><div><br></div><div>rinse & repeat</div><div><br></div><div>this is me, but</div><div>we love our big ideas</div><div>of self, flickering,</div><div>burning projections,</div><div>stories cast with us,</div><div>words written for us</div><div><br></div><div>but what character, then,</div><div>am I?</div><div><br></div><div>the ill-fated mother of</div><div>every fairy tale heroine,</div><div>only a beloved memory</div><div><br></div><div>a naive orphan wandering</div><div>the forest, serenading </div><div>woodland creatures</div><div><br></div><div>a dark sorceress,</div><div>terrifying, commanding,</div><div>bitter to the beauty of youth</div><div><br></div><div>the feral warrior princess</div><div>fighting for nature,</div><div>renouncing humanity </div><div><br></div><div>a spectral grin</div><div>teasing from the trees, </div><div>spouting mad misdirection </div><div><br></div><div>or, just</div><div><br></div><div>peaceful & small, </div><div>wanting only a smoke,</div><div>a bit of adventure &</div><div>~hopefully~</div><div>a second breakfast</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-2652507223454658242022-08-26T12:51:00.002-04:002022-08-28T15:30:50.479-04:00the perfect recipe<div>have drunken deep thought</div><div>count syllables on fingers</div><div>boom, it's a haiku</div><div><br /></div><div>🥳</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-81134868629219543962022-08-17T21:39:00.001-04:002022-08-17T21:39:49.352-04:00jumping waves<div>another suit</div><div>slipped, zipped</div><div>fit smooth & tight</div><div>skin for skin</div><div>watching the</div><div>tide roll in</div><div><br></div><div>each wave greets</div><div>a new swimmer</div><div>familiar to the sea,</div><div>waters lap & slide</div><div>past her fresh & </div><div>ephemeral hide</div><div><br></div><div>but if the swells</div><div>calm, slow, show</div><div>the diver there's</div><div>room to survive</div><div>nude & disarmed,</div><div>unbreaking, unharmed</div><div><br></div><div>she will shed her suit,</div><div>buoyed by trust, brave,</div><div>peel down & bare skin </div><div>untouched & fair 'neath</div><div>slippery illusions that hide</div><div>a self she saves</div><div><br></div><div>(but she's still keeping</div><div>a skin for the next wave) </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-7398227745331995962022-08-14T18:32:00.001-04:002022-08-14T18:56:13.527-04:00Alice (1988)<div>there's rain after Alice</div><div>washing away sawdust</div><div>of taxidermied rodents</div><div>& now there's a drum ritual</div><div>coming from the batting cages</div><div>have we fallen asleep</div><div>fallen asleep fallen</div><div>into her desk drawer</div><div>a memory of this film is</div><div>a memory of a dream is</div><div>a memory of a memory</div><div>and the raindrops trick our</div><div>arms into numbness, the ants</div><div>inside the sink are the last </div><div>straw, I'm going to bed to</div><div>wake up & never watch this</div><div>movie again</div><div><br></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/MR6HcT8P-VA">Alice</a><br></div><div>⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐</div><div>Definitely recommend </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633477933961143391.post-71276921308667144452022-08-13T01:39:00.001-04:002022-08-13T19:46:19.106-04:00a poem without words (translated into words)<div>nothing feels more</div><div>honest than silence.</div><div><br></div><div>I could fill the space</div><div>with noise & static </div><div><br></div><div>~but~</div><div><br></div><div>thoughts scale down</div><div>to insufficient when</div><div>squooshed</div><div>funneled </div><div>tiny into </div><div>words.</div><div><br></div><div>~however~</div><div><br></div><div>if I could construct a </div><div>wordless poem</div><div><br></div><div>(only the raw material)</div><div><br></div><div>exude this </div><div>passion & pain</div><div>through stillness</div><div><br></div><div>(rather than </div><div>demoting them to</div><div>letters)</div><div><br></div><div>well...</div><div><br></div><div>no one could</div><div>fucking read it</div><div><br></div><div>obviously.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com