Sunday, June 30, 2019

Lost in here

I'm sinking
Getting smaller, further away
Everyone is fading
The stars are anchors
Holding me in the world
For only so long
I was doing well
Living and breathing
Existing without questioning
The existence of others
But now I'm the only lonely thing
About to be sucked into
The black hole in my head
Grasping for handholds in
The nothingness around me

Monday, June 24, 2019

Front steps

I lose time
On these stairs
Dreaming scenarios
Mouthing lyrics
Shining my bat signal
Into the night
Escaping
Looking for life
Trying to feel
Waiting for anything to happen
Watching life pass.



Saturday, June 22, 2019

Dusk


I'm still drying from a long shower
It's dusk
The bats
Lightning bugs
The hush sounds of the river
I'm sitting on the front steps
Admiring the deep shadowed greens
The branches silhouetted
In the semi-darkness
Against a surreal summer sky
Jupiter hanging low and bright
Just above the trees
I'm in love with everything
All of this
And this is how the world requites.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

One week


I drink
Because it's easier to
Drown uncomfortable emotions
Than actually feel them.
Not sadness.
I've made a weird peace with melancholy.
But rage, irritation, dread,
The feeling that I don't belong anywhere
With anyone,
And right now
I haven't had a drink in a week
And instead of feeling proud of myself
I am a stew of discomfort and anger
And tears and trying to blink back tears
Because tears are uncomfortable
For everyone.
God I want a drink.

Friday, June 7, 2019

Sober

Shit, man.
Words don't come as easy
Without mental lubrication
It all feels so deliberate
Words chosen instead of vomited
I promised myself
After my heavy heart vibrated
In my chest
Panicked me
I couldn't lift myself up
That I would stop
Hurting myself
Because I'm not a teenager
And self destructive behavior
Just isn't cool anymore.