i want to say something
say i'm lonely, i'm bored
without seeming weak
or silly
or attention seeking.
i want to be a part of it
a part of anything tonight.
a discussion
inside joke
an argument, even.
just something.
instead i quietly read
other conversations
too afraid of joining
where i'm not wanted
because, face it
(i tell myself)
i'm never really wanted.
i'm terrified that i have
nothing to say
nothing that anyone wants to hear.
i will always always be
lurking around the outside
with no way in.