everything
everyone
is
ultimately
unknowable
this is a harrowing little
bean of knowledge
lodged deep and festering
that will never be argued away
it itches
how can anyone tell
what is actual
what's important
it's easy to just
let things fall
societal norms
the keeping of time
how many sick days left
how many days sober
oil in my car
credit reports
divorce papers
trivial things filling and filling
this already overflowing cup of
musty-old relentless tedium
drinking helped, I thought
soaking in the mess I had
conjured, a stew of
disappointment
rejection
all the chaos of the world.
nope.
nope, that made it worse.
sleep has become the only
reprieve from the dead ends
nevers, the everyday chorus of
do I matter
my voice is lost in the noise
I just
close my eyes
shake my etch a sketch life and
start over