ode to my bath mat

why does my bath mat
pretend that it's a surf board
when i stand on it?

stick to the damn tub!
are you too good for the tub???
do your fucking job!

i stomp and i stomp
pray that the suction cups stick
but they never do

go to hell, bath mat,
making me fall on my ass
and bonk my elbow

one of these days, man
next time i fly out my tub
i'm suing walmart

meow

i have this off fascination
with the meow mix commercial
so that i jump and squeal
when i see it
i want a kitty
fuzzy friend to cuddle
nuzzle with my nose
and play catch the flashlight beam
(although the chasing
wears me out)
and get fur shed all over
my dark clothes
and feed terrible smelling
tuna-like food from a can
and clean up accidents
and friskies puke
from the rug
ok, nevermind.

poor mr. snowman

the snowman still stands
leaning harshly, waiting on
tomorrow's forecast

and for small hands to
give him another shot at
living till christmas

but it's sad to say
he'll be waiting forever
in an empty yard

out christmas will be
spent far away for this place
making new snow friends

leaving poor snowman
to tumble and melt in a
puddle of snow tears

more than me

i am not enough
i like to expand
beyond my limits
my life to
what could have been
in another time
or dimension
who i might have been
and suddenly i'm more
than a person
i'm infinite possibilities
lined up
and as i would pick
out my shirt from the
closet, who will i be
today.

bus stop

all the other kids wait
glued to their mothers' side
or talking about their new shoes
or pacing back & forth staring
at the kid  who won't stop doing
spiderman moves, won't stop moving
won't let his mother near him while
they are watching, his injuries
sustained during a ninja kick to the
stop sign, he refuses to show these to
the woman-girl who bore him, who carried
him in her own fucking womb while he
practiced same ninja kicks on her insides.
why is he the only one moving. why is he
the only one the other parents stare at
in disapproval before their eyes swing to
me, looking me up and down in that,
'well, no wonder' look.
i'll bet their child doesn't know
the names or 17 human bones.
i bet their kindergartner
doesn't know what animatronics is.
i look them up and down, at their clothes that scream
I AM A MOTHER! I WEAR PANTSUITS AND DR. SCHOLLS!
i think, "well, no wonder."
the sheep raise sheep
and i don't mind raising a wolf.

i draw like a 3 year old

squiggle lines, a mess
lemme start over, shake shake
stupid etch a sketch

playmate

her beauty came from
not within
or without (though she was)
but the girl
down the road
carrying barbies and
friendship bracelets,
caked with bonnie bell
and peel-off polish

dirt under her nails

two little girls
hushed, ducked
under unwatching eyes

into quiet
little girl play
into adult play
shhh

i thought i heard someone

while cyndi's voice
floats down
from the radio

girls just wanna have
fun

angst

I'll never wash clean of

the saltwater trail, like

snail tracks down my cheek

a badge of honor for the weak

I'm a freak for watching too 

close, too much, only want to 

know how touch would feel

make me reel, so dizzy for contact

lame, unsure how to act, no good at

this game anymore, so sure that

adore with seep through my pores

expose my soul where in secret grows

a weedy garden of needy prose, where

pleasure & pain flow like rain through

the dream cluttered gutters of my

brain, I scream a silent refrain of

mistakes through my dreams, where

everything I want seems so far away

on the highest shelf out of reach, I've

had to teach myself to wait, because

fate will deliver someday

Any Way He Can

 I breathe

forgiveness

into your mouth

my bruises aren't real

when I'm this far gone

I'm passed out alone

you take

what you want

with no one to stop you

I'm yours until dawn

now I can't pretend

I don't feel the pain

from your lying

and your hitting

when there's no bond

to hold you to me 

or make you stay

you only want

to use me when

you're this far gone

don't tell her

you say, before you

leave my bed, while

my head is reeling and

my legs are sore

you act for a 

week as if nothing

has happened before

the booze has you

begging for more

when i tell you no

I hope that it hurts

but it never makes

me feel that I'm

less of a whore 

so you took what you 

wanted and left me in

chaos before you 

walked out of

my door

OPEN

for you
i would turn on
the neon OPEN sign
hanging in the
window
of my heart

make it hurt

i want to meet you

in the dark 

dirty floor 

cold & dust

find my lips

across the space

dirty love

fear & lust

feel my panic

i feel your doubt

feel my feelings 

wanting out

feel your hands

across my skin

this little girl is

gonna sin

i want to touch you 

in the dark
cold as death
fill my lungs
taste the damage
to your heart
sugar sweet
on your tongue
take obsession
make it true
if only to be
under you
find my weakness
lift my skirt
show me love &
make it hurt