Don't

I know
I've been away
For a decade
And don't know shit
Or whether she's worth
All your trouble.
I want you to know
Without having to admit
How creepy I am
For reading your thoughts
Quietly
For the past five years
But you scared me today.
Goddammit.
I'd miss you.

My Own Space

Forced union
So done with the
Smallness
Pull away from
The invasive nature
Of We
There's a room in my mind
The basement of my mind
Filled with MY things
My music and art
My thoughts and want
No one can touch
No one can enter
I hold onto this rubbish
The beautiful garbage
As long as I wish
Obsess
Go mad
I need room
To grow my
Filthy heart.

fin

The loves
Horrors
The aches, the pains
The highs
The lows
The lazy easy mornings
Boring moments
Comforting thoughts
Trauma and panic
All the stuff that is
So much life
Will be done with
Sometime
The curtains will close
You'll breath your last
Let go
It's done
And there's nothing more
To do but
Give in
That had to be enough
'Cause it's too late
For any more
The movie's over
The end.

Not here

We're sheltered here
In wombs of ignorance
Living in virtual time
Aloft
Aloof
Worrying over
Trans fats
GMOs
Fucking gluten
While thousands
Bleed from their eyes
Suffer
Die.
The distance
Serving as shelter
Is more than just space
It's a border
A wall made of differences
'Round our egocentric
Ugly
Collective
Core

Stop it

One day
I'm just going to stop
Stop talking
Stop listening
Stop caring
And just do for me.
One day
I will say
Fuck You All.
No one should be allowed
To have such power
Over how I feel.
Stepping on my back
Pushing me down
To lift yourself higher.
Stop pointing out
How goddam imperfect I am
And then patting yourself
On the back
Asshole.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not strong enough
To withstand
What you're throwing.
Don't you understand?
You're kicking someone
Who's already down
To feed your
Ugly ego.

In movies

In movies
All these everyday happenings
They're magic
Small gestures
Hold meaning
Foreshadow
Huge implications
But here
Off camera
Things happen
In dull shades of brown
Every act
Is selfish
Empty
Insignificant
What I'd give
To see fate
Up close
Zoom and pause
At appropriate times
So I'd know
Those beautiful moments
Subtle mysteries
That change everything
I could savor
Record them
Before they're lost

Athena

Drink the poison
Dwell on the past
Take some of those
Pointless online quizzes
To convince me that I'm
Fucking
Athena
And now I'm
Completely alone
Inside and out
Traveling back
Making different choices
Would it have really mattered
Made a difference
Or would I still be drunk
Somewhere else
On a couch
Alone
Wondering
What if.